Wednesday, September 26, 2012

And So the Horror Begins...

... the horror of self-realization.

It's not even October yet and already I'm writing about it over at TCM in a post on the feel of horror.  And I'm bringing it up here as well, mainly because old timey gothic horror movies from the sixties are about the only thing inspiring me lately in the cinematic world.  It happens.

You write and watch and sometimes, none of it feels right.  I've gone through a dry spell here that's been longer than any I've previously had and I'd love to give you a long list of excuses (work's got me bogged down, too many deadlines, stress and anxiety from college loans for kids, etc) but that would just be so much bullshit.  Yes, yes and yes to each of those reasons and no to all of them.  The truth is, I haven't felt very inspired.

I learned long ago that everyone goes through artistic periods in their life and, cinematically, I'm currently in the "I'm dissatisfied with every movie I watch" period.  It's an awful period and one that is, to me, utterly inexplicable.  I love cinema and have since I was a kid but lately everything I watch leaves me cold.  I'll like certain aspects but not the whole thing.  I see others get excited by a movie and all I can think is, "What? That?  What's so exciting about that?"  And I hate it (the reaction, that is, not the movie).

I've been actively watching movies, week in and week out, for decades now and after viewing thousands I now find myself constantly gravitating back to movies I've already seen.  I find this annoying and grating and yet I keep doing it.  I even write down titles of movies I haven't seen but that I very much want to see in a folder I have in my e-mail so I can pick one to watch when I have the time.  And then, when the time comes, I look at the titles of unseen movies and think, "Nah, I want to watch [insert movie name here] again."   Last week I had a slew of movies I haven't yet seen and when I had time to watch a movie I instead chose to watch Tucker: The Man and His Dream again.

Now, my question to myself, and it was sincere, was, "Why?!  Why <b>Tucker</b>?"  The answer bothered me because it was no more than, "damned if I know."  I think it honestly had something to do with the time period it took place in and that's it.  I just wanted a period piece to watch and so I watched it.

And all of this is reflected in my writing here, or the conspicuous lack thereof.  But now it seems as if the Gothic horror of the sixties and the low-budget black and white chillers from the same period are thrilling me once again.  Perhaps devoting myself to a single genre for a month is a needed dose of "get off your ass and write."  Perhaps.  In the meantime, get ready for horror and not the "I just looked in the mirror and finally realized my life is meaningless" horror but the kind with fangs, spells and spirits.  See you on the other side of September.