Wednesday, July 20, 2011

What a Wonderful World this Could Be...

...if we were all as nice as comment spammers. You know, comment spam gets a pretty bum wrap in my book. Comment spammers are looked on as leeches and parasites who pollute the online world with their useless info and even more useless links. Okay, maybe they do but here's the thing: They're so damned nice!

Now that I work for TCM I have a whole new world of spam that's opened up to me beyond the doors of Cinema Styles. I just started over there and already the comment spam is simply overflowing with effusive praise. Look at this one, for example:

"Hello my friend! I want to say that this post is amazing, nice written and include approximately all vital infos. I would like to see more posts like this."

That's from a nice young woman, or man, or genderless spambot from, best I can tell, somewhere in the former Czech Republic. He/she/it provides a very nice pop-up ad along with the comment (which I can't see as TCM has blocked it - Curses!) but look at the comment itself. "Hello my friend!" Wow, we haven't even met and I'm a friend. And judging by the exclamation point, a pretty cherished one at that. And my post? Nothing short of "amazing," although, disappointingly, with no exclamation point.

Now, I'll be honest. When I wrote the post this comment is for, a post on period films, I wanted to include all vital infos. I worked at that, and hard, and was hoping someone would notice. Czech Republic expatriate, thank you! You don't know how much it means to me that you did, indeed, notice that I had included all vital infos. Not some, mind you, all! Vital infos are really pretty useless unless you go the whole way with them.

Finally, the post ends with "I would like to see more posts like this." My mysterious genderless mass-marketing friend, I would like to see more commenters as nice as you!

I know what you're thinking: "Okay, Greg, that's one isolated example. I bet they're not all that nice."

Well then what do you make of this, for the same post: "Hey, I came across this amazing site and wanted to share it with my fellow Water Pipes enthusiasts." Hand to God, I shit you not, I was trying to reach Water Pipes enthusiasts with that post. 100% true. I can't adequately express my thanks to you, Zowslillies from getwomenfor dot me for not only noticing but sharing. You, sir or madam, are a trooper.

And if you think kindness and generosity are limited to the english language, think again. Or just read this: Много диет. Диеты для похудения. Начало · Диеты для похудения · Диеты чтобы поправиться · Лечебные диеты · Рецепты блюд · Украшения

Put that into Google Translate and you'll get, "Many diets. Diets for weight loss. Begin diets for weight loss diets to recover · · Therapeutic diets · Recipes · Jewelry." [places both hands over heart and nods head in thanks] You and I, nencileggleoms, we are one.

But I've saved the best for last because, sometimes, it's important to know we're not just doing this for ourselves. We're not just doing this to talk about movies. We're doing it for something more, something bigger, something grander. That's why this message from unbranka-dzienci touched my heart and moved me to tears. Here it is:

"We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be grateful to you."

Oh. My. God. Did you read that? Did you read it carefully? Folks, I have an entire community that is grateful to me. Repeat: Entire community! Well, kialzze.acc.tr, good luck with those schemes! I'm happy I was able to offer you valuable info to work on. Not to brag, but that's kind of my m.o. See, I offer all vital infos so it doesn't surprise you were able to cull some valuable infos from it.

And now, can the community of online readers and commenters follow the example of the kind and generous comment spammers? If I write about a movie, discuss it with me, sure, but also try and mention how your community considers me a kind of demigod. Mention how you noticed that I really broke through to all those Water Pipers out there or just offer up a simple thanks for the "vital infos" because, I promise you, I'll provide them all.

Not some, all. That's my vow to you or my name isn't ccziuueld at freegold dot com. Peace.