Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"Perhaps, one day, we will be friends..."

"Someone remind me why we made this door so big."


Since King Kong's release in 1933, viewers have asked, sometimes mockingly, "If you built a massive wall to keep Kong out, why, in God's name, did you make a door big enough for him to get in?!" It's a logical question. After all, if any one of the villagers needs to get outside to take a stroll or have a picnic it's a simple matter of installing a 7 foot door, or doors, along the wall. Building a conveniently sized 40 foot door seems to defeat the purpose of the wall. But maybe not.

I believe the villagers are extending a welcome to Kong, albeit a guarded one. They are saying, "Now, right now, we are enemies. You are big and powerful and can eat us. Or step on us. Or even throw us around. But one day, far off in the future, perhaps, we will be friends. We will invite you to dinner and for you to accept and actually attend, you'll need to get through the wall. No problem. We already have a door big enough for you to do just that. It's locked right now but one day, we hope, it will be open."

Kong relieves himself outside the wall. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go.


I imagine every time Kong came to get a fresh bride he looked at that door and thought, "I've got to get past my anger for these people. They want me to know I'm welcome but for now, at least, I cannot be, for I hate them."

Kong does eventually come through that door and gets gassed for his troubles.

What might have been.

"Up yours, jerkwads!" Kong gives everyone the finger upon his triumphant entry.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

tdraicer:

I always figured it went like this-

Designer: It's a big wall, right? You got to have a big door.

Chief: But if Kong...

Designer: Look, who is the expert here? A big wall DEMANDS a big door. You want people to say you were too cheap to put in a big door? You want people to say you were too small-minded for a big door? You want people to imply you have a small door because you have a small...

Chief: Okay, okay....Umm...in fact make it REALLY big.

Designer: Besides, he's a monkey. What does he know from doors.

Greg said...

The other amazing thing about this stupifying design flaw is that the wall is only a fraction higher than the door, which is maybe a foot or so over Kong's head (a Kong foot or so I mean) so, really, he could just climb over the wall anytime he felt like it.

Let's not forget (how could we?) that just about twenty minutes later in the movie he's climbing something much, MUCH higher and with far less footholds. I mean, that wall's got vines and rough stone and... well, in the end, the whole thing's wrong. They should feature it on Engineering Disasters on the History Channel.

But I think the most amazing thing is how great the movie is in the face of that anyway. I probably didn't even think about the door problem until my third or fourth time seeing it.

bill r. said...

Hey, these guys are primitive third-world natives. That's the best wall and door they could build. Why don't you get off their asses for a change?

Greg said...

Hey, I'm not the one taking a leak on their door (Kong, I'm looking in your direction).

the dame said...

Um. I kind of love the idea of the villagers inviting him to dinner.

Greg said...

Thank you. See, that's what the big door's all about. An invitation because no one would ever make that kind of design mistake on purpose.

Arbogast said...

Kong had everything he wanted inside the wall and nobody busting his balls. Lock me up like that, bring me a girl every now and again, and you'll never hear a peep out of me.

Greg said...

That's Kong, always looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Margaret Benbow said...

If the designers had been really, really serious about stopping Kong in his tracks, they would have forgotten about the door---feh!--and dug a great big moat, which they would fill with oil and light up when Kong tried to wander in for his maiden and his bananas. It would work. But the movie would be really short.

Greg said...

There's also the stray animal syndrome to consider. Like offering food to a stray cat that then won't leave you alone, you have to wonder, had they never started the damn bride offering thing in the first place, would Kong even care about them?

larry aydlette said...

That's my favorite new caption.

Greg said...

It has a ring to it.