So I have my coffee, check my blog and begin the process of making the rounds. Then I think to myself, "sometimes, this blogging thing can really make my head spin." Before long my mind turns into a jumble of thoughts; disorganized and confused. To try and organize them I begin writing. It's what I always do to organize my thoughts; write them down. As I knock about from blog to blog I think:
Am I a movie-lover or a cinephile, and is there even a difference? Should I feel bad because I don't get into talking about the technical aspects of film as much as the emotional aspects? Am I an elitist because when I read about some film seminar where a film is analyzed frame by frame, I wonder, "Do they even like movies? Do they feel them at all? Is it just a technical exercise to them?"
Then I read a piece about some technical aspect, like film grain, on Glen Kenny by way of the Siren and I think, "Why don't I write more stuff like this? They're talking about the technical stuff but doing so in a movie loving way. And there's good interaction in the comments section with people even declaring their love for The Godfather, Part III, which is astonishing to me because I can barely make it through that movie without giggling." So yeah, screw the emotional stuff, let's get technical
Then I flip the page to another blogger and he's got a funny post up. "That's what I should do, more funny pieces. Everyone loves a good laugh," I think, "No more emotional or technical approaches to the movies. It's joke time!"
But wait a minute. If I do too many of those then I won't be taken seriously as a blogger. I'll be shunned by the Academic crowd and I've got a lot to say about German Expressionism, Italian Neo-Realism and the French New Wave. Yeah, it's time to get serious. More gravity. Problem is I don't know what to write. I'm stuck. Drawing nothing but a big huge blank.
How about a video? Yeah! I could put up a video of a great moment in Cinema History. Just posting it will cover the technical, emotional and academic bases because it's all about watching the piece itself and discussing it in the comment section. No commentary necessary. But not too much video posting, then you just look lazy. You know, like Rick Olson.
Flummoxed, I check my e-mail and find I have received 37 new e-mails concerning film festivals, free screeners, blog contests, pleas to review short subjects and other independent films and of course, that e-mail from the online jewelers who wanted me to do a review of their jewelry website on Cinema Styles. No, I'm serious. I was asked to do a review of an online jewelry store. ON A MOVIE BLOG!
Then despair sets in. I have nothing original to say. Every topic I've ever written about has been covered elsewhere and most times, better. So now what? Do I stop just because my post about genre had already been tackled around 10,000 times by other bloggers?
It's not long after that that the blogging insecurities start to surface. Why didn't Marilyn comment on that last post of mine? Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Where's Brian? He must not like Cinema Styles anymore. Why is it so hard to get a response out of Larry? Does he secretly hate me? Where's Bill? I guess now that he has his own blog I don't matter anymore.
Then it hits me: I'm at work and have five deadlines I've completely ignored because I've been blogging and writing about blogging and commenting on other blogs. Jesus Christ, I've got to focus, get down to work and stop obsessing about blogs and movies.
Okay, I'm going to get to work. Focus, man, focus. I'm going to do these dry, mind numbingly boring reports for the Public Affairs dept then have a meeting about that software redesign and then book tickets and a hotel for that goddamn business trip to Atlanta on freakin' Election Day!!! I am. Really.